What Can I Learn from This?

What is your default question when something “bad” happens to you?

If you are like a lot of people, the default question is “Why is this happening to me?”

But this puts you in a position of lack and weakness. This question will make you feel small and powerless.

Instead, try reframing it to “What can I learn from this situation?” or “What can this situation teach me?”

What can you learn about yourself?

I used to have a client who was perpetually single. She wanted to date and meet someone great.

But she hated dating.

When we coached on it, she said she hated dating because whenever she was interested in someone that didn’t like her back, she felt rejected.

We dug in a bit deeper to unravel what was really going on in her thoughts and beliefs about herself and found that when she liked someone who didn’t like her back, she felt shame, rejection and embarrassment.

And shame makes a person hide. So when she felt rejection she felt the need to hide, and what was happening was that she would try to prevent future rejections by hiding ahead of time.

She avoided dating. She found reasons to put dating off and wait until she felt ready. But what she was really doing was hiding in shame, so she didn’t have to feel rejected. She was rejecting herself ahead of time.

We changed her default question, “Why is dating so hard?” to “What can I learn from this.” And we took it a step further to “What can I learn about myself from this?”

And each date she went on became practice. It became a way for her to learn about herself and her greatness and how she had been hiding it and taking rejection personally. When in reality, she could have been learning and having fun along the way.

So whatever it is in your life that feels heavy, instead of asking “Why me,” ask “What can I learn (about myself) from this?”

To work with me, book a consultation here.