The #1 Way You’re Getting in Your Own Way
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably felt stuck in some area of your life before. This “stuckness” may look something like:
“I’m not sure what I want.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I keep repeating the same mistakes.”
When we are clear on what we really want, making a plan on how to get it is quite simple.
But the truth is, when you say you want something, set a goal to make it happen, but still end up feeling stuck, there’s something else going on.
You are getting in your own way.
And most likely this is happening because you are focusing on the wrong goal.
You are probably focusing on the “lesser” goal, or the “should” goal.
This smaller goal might seem like a more reasonable or realistic goal, but it is actually a diluted version of what you really want.
And why would you do this?
Because some part of you believes that what you truly want is unrealistic.
So, your brain tries to protect you and tells you to settle for a blander, smaller or “more reasonable” version of your goal.
And this is where things get tricky.
Often the diluted, watered-down bland version of your goal seems like a challenging goal. It seems like a goal that would naturally require discipline, hard work and dedication.
So, you set out and tell yourself you will commit to this challenge and you use will power and dedication and hard work. You sacrifice and struggle. And then you fizzle out. And you might repeat this over and over again.
But why doesn’t it work?
Because some part of it isn’t your real goal. It’s actually the bland version of your real goal and deep inside you know this and don’t really want it so you feel conflicted.
And the diluted goal makes you settle for something that isn’t quite what you really want. And settling does not excite you, so you create obstacles. And you will remain feeling stuck and longing for your real goal.
And all of these obstacles are standing in the way of getting what you really want.
There are many scenarios of this, but here are a couple of common scenarios.
Scenario 1: The Health & Fitness Roller Coaster
Let’s say you want to be healthy and fit. The most common “diluted” goal is to lose weight and get to a “goal weight.”
The diluted version of the real goal (for this scenario) is to lose weight.
To do this, you may decide to use discipline and convince yourself that you will not fail or get sidetracked this time. You will stay the course and follow a diet that feels hard and disciplined and an exercise routine that challenges you.
There’s nothing wrong with this, if this is your true goal.
If this is your true goal, this will feel good and easy.
But what if your real goal is to feel healthy and in tune with your body, to feel strong, fit and to find activities and exercise that make you feel alive, while eating satisfying foods that you enjoy.
This real goal is 100% possible, but instead of doing the internal work that it may take to get there, you may believe it’s impossible or unrealistic.
You may think it is a case of wanting too much and that to get what you want you have to sacrifice so you go with the diluted goal instead. Afterall, “common knowledge” tells you that it takes sacrifice to get certain things.
This is why coaching works so well. It helps you unravel all the false beliefs that trick you into not going for what you really want.
Here’s another example.
Scenario 2: The Single Person Who Wants a Relationship but Doesn’t Date
Here’s another example that I see a lot.
Let’s say you are single, and you would like to be in a relationship, but you say things like, “Well, if it’s meant to be it will happen.” Or “The right person will come around someday.” And you say it’s not a priority because you have other things you need to focus on first, such as your work, business, or other life circumstances.
So, you set yourself up to focus on other goals, and you feel uninspired and don’t make much progress.
What’s the real goal? A relationship.
So why don’t you focus on this real goal? Because you are afraid that it is impossible, and you don’t want to feel disappointed if it doesn’t happen quickly and easily.
There are all sorts of reasons, but this is such a common scenario I wanted to mention it.
But this is a case where someone doesn’t let themself want what they really want because they think it would be too good to be true.
The first step in getting what you want is to let yourself want what you really want.
Write it down. What’s your best-case scenario? Get clear on this.
And then make a list of all the ways that it 100% is possible and likely to happen for you.
At this point, your brain will likely tell you all the reasons it is impossible, and this is great! Because now you can pinpoint all of those sabotaging thoughts and see how they were your obstacles.
What do you want the most?