2025 New Year’s Resolution: Stop Throwing Yourself Under the Bus

2025 New Year’s Resolution: Stop Throwing Yourself Under the Bus

Do you struggle to put yourself first?

Maybe your first reaction to that question is the thought, “that sounds like it would be selfish!”

In the eight years since I became a coach, I have found that one of the main problems high achievers have isn’t selfishness, but instead it is putting themselves after everyone else.  

Sometimes I call it “putting yourself on the backburner,” or “throwing yourself under the bus,” but it really is self-abandonment.

Many of us are taught that putting others first is the best way to be. Honoring and helping others is essential, but not at your expense.

Self-abandonment has become the operating mode for so many people, especially women, and it is not healthy or good for anyone. It makes you not tell the truth about how you really feel. It makes you live a life that you don’t feel you have full control over.

It can make you charge less money (or nothing at all) for your valuable services if you are a business owner.

It can cause you to feel guilty about quitting bad jobs or ending relationships that you no longer want to be in, just to spare someone else’s feelings.

But it all comes down to self-abandonment or taking care of other people’s feelings or interests before your own.

It causes resentment, anxiety, depression and pure anger. It makes you feel stuck, like you have no control over your own choices and life, and it can make you physically sick.

8 Signs You Are Abandoning Yourself

1.      You can’t say “No” because you don’t want to disappoint others.

2.      You are a people-pleaser and avoid conflict or telling the truth about what you really think, want or feel.

3.      You do things you don’t want to do because you think you “have to” or should.

4.      You set goals based on “fixing” yourself, which involves doing things that include deprivation or harsh standards. (Strict diets, overly high goals that are too hard to stick to).

5. You are often in a hurry and struggle with lack of time, energy or money.

6.      You speak to yourself meanly when you talk to yourself, and you might not even realize it.

7.      You are struggling physically, financially, emotionally, or spiritually.

8. You value other people’s feelings, opinions and reactions over your own.

All of these things are overwhelming and based on shame and the belief that you don’t have enough or aren’t enough as you are. But focusing on what you think is “not-enough” creates more lack and not-enoughness. It can be a miserable cycle.

The only way to really get what you want is to start with peace and the belief that you are enough right now as you are and you have enough, and then take care of yourself like you would take care of a person you love.

And this is NOT selfishness. In fact, in order to take care of anyone else (a child or someone who needs help), you must fully take care of yourself first.

So if you have been feeling stuck, or in a place you don’t want to be because you are afraid of disappointing others, it’s time to make a decision. The decision is to either continue putting others first OR decide to put yourself first.

I hope you decide that this is the year to put yourself first.

Put your dreams, wants, and goals first, not because you have something you need to fix, but because you are excited to take care of yourself and create the life you dream of creating.

The only New Year’s Resolution I recommend making is to stop putting yourself last. Start taking responsibility and care for yourself. It is not selfish. In fact, it is the only way you can truly care for others, when you are whole, healthy and in alignment with making the best choices for yourself.

If you’d like to join my Facebook group, Create Your Best 2025, join here.