Repeating Patterns

Repeating Patterns

We repeat patterns until we learn the lesson.

Have you ever made a decision to change something in your life, but then you notice it happening again in other areas?

This happens all the time and it can easily sneak up on us. We don’t always notice because it’s so familiar.

There was a time in my life that I was learning that I didn’t have great boundaries. I was the go-to person for anyone who needed help.

Need help moving furniture? I’d say yes.

Need a ride somewhere an hour away? Of course I would say yes.

I thought the people who were asking me these favors were my friends, even if I had just met them. But it turns out they weren’t.

This was a pattern in my life that I was slowly starting to recognize because I didn’t always want to say yes to their requests. It was just my default mode.

And I was at a time in my life when I had just left my career to start my business. I didn’t want to feel drained all the time in my new life like I had when I felt burned out.

So when I moved into my new apartment, my new next-door neighbor was a “friend” who always asked me for favors, and I found myself automatically saying yes. How could I say no to someone who needed help?

But then I slowly realized I was repeating my same old pattern.

One evening we were going to go to dinner together and I was expected to drive us. I noticed a big bag of garbage outside of her door and she asked, “would you mind if we just drop this off at the dumpster on our way?”

I knew at that moment that it was a test. I could just say yes as always. Afterall, it was a small favor.

But she had a cat. And there could be cat litter in that garbage bag. And even if there wasn’t, I really didn’t want to carry her garbage in my car. What if it leaked? But also, why was I afraid to say no?

I knew that if I wanted to live in the truth I had to stop saying yes when I wanted to say no. So, I said, “No, but I can wait for you while you throw it away. Or would you prefer to drive?”

She got a bit upset and couldn’t believe I said no She told me why I was being “weird” for not doing such a simple favor. So, I said, “We don’t have to go to dinner tonight if you’re upset about this. We can cancel our plans or go another time.”

She took the garbage herself. And soon after that day she moved.

I realized that my pattern had been to “carry other people’s garbage,” and my lesson was to stop saying yes. I don’t think my lesson could have been any clearer than what happened that day: “Stop carrying other people’s garbage.”

We repeat patterns until we see them clearly and learn to stop doing what we don’t want.

Do you have any patterns that you repeat without realizing it?