The Lightworker's Dilemma: When Your Strength Becomes Your Obstacle
Many of us who feel called to make a positive difference in the world—the lightworkers, healers, and helpers—share a common paradox. We've overcome significant challenges to become high achievers, yet something invisible still holds us back from making our biggest impact. This pattern is so consistent in my coaching practice that I wanted to explore it deeper.
What I've observed is that many high-achieving lightworkers have experienced some form of childhood neglect or trauma. Perhaps from the outside, everything looked normal, but within your family or personal life, there was darkness you needed to overcome. Unlike others with similar experiences who may have become stuck in survival mode, you channeled that pain into achievement. You excelled in school, advanced in your career, and by all external measures, you thrived where others struggled. You demonstrated remarkable resilience and strength. However, the very survival mechanisms that helped you succeed may now be limiting your ability to fulfill your true purpose.
The psychological concept at play is called "fawning"—a trauma response that often gets less attention than the more familiar fight, flight, or freeze responses. Fawning essentially means making yourself so agreeable that no one can harm you. It's a protective mechanism that likely kept you safe during formative years, but now manifests in ways that sabotage your growth and impact. The most common manifestation is chronic people-pleasing, which masquerades as kindness but actually prioritizes others' opinions over your authentic voice. This prevents you from speaking your truth and taking the bold steps your calling requires.
Other signs include over-giving until you're depleted, taking responsibility for others beyond what they're willing to do for themselves, and feeling guilty when you prioritize your own needs. You might find yourself terrified of disapproval, constantly seeking validation, and undervaluing your expertise, time, and abilities. The need to impress others drives many of your decisions, while perfectionism keeps you from sharing work that isn't "ready"—which it never quite seems to be. These patterns create an invisible wall that prevents you from taking necessary risks to make your bigger impact.
The irony is that the very qualities that made you resilient—your ability to tune into others' needs, your compassion, your drive to excel—can become limitations when taken to extremes. Breaking through requires recognizing these patterns and understanding that they're not character traits but adaptive responses you've outgrown. The path forward involves moving toward precisely what scares you most. Those areas of discomfort—setting boundaries, speaking uncomfortable truths, being seen fully—are exactly where your growth and greatest contribution lie. Whatever you're avoiding is exactly where you need to go to fulfill the purpose that's calling you.